Searching

Someone died tonight and another was born. Everyday that passes takes a piece of me. Thinking of a way out this life I'm living. The feeling of suffocation, everyday grasping for air. On my knees praying for a better day. I don't even recognize ME anymore. lost in everyday motions forgetting my purpose. My eyes covered in blood, shedding tears of pain. Why is it I feel this way? I give so much in bringing joy to others i lose myself a long the way. Will I ever find my way? the answer to that will take my entire life to figure out. If we knew of life and all its troubles then there would be no struggles. I'm feeling lost and trapped inside my own body an identity I can't recognize anymore. Strip me of my clothes, make-up, everything and look deep into my soul, free me from all the betrayal, hurt, pain, sorrow and worries. Take me as I am. Happiness shall come bless me with its presence and feel my body with so much joy. Let happiness cover my body and spill into my soul. Give me a smile so bright it blinds..... keeping my head above the sky.... everyday praying for a better day.

It's REAL

I like to sit back and watch betrayal take its course. They say everything that happens in the dark shall come to light. If we know this then why do we try and cover up our wrong doings. sugar coated lies and lusty love.... all for a momentary thrill. Ask yourself is this worth all I've worked for. You may feel love but lust is easily disguised, she could be wearing sexy boots and a trench coat to lure her prey.Creeping for a moment of passion.... A moment to feel loved and wanted. You're hurting no one but yourself in the long run. Why do we ACT in such a manner.... why do we hurt ourselves and expect others to pick up the broken pieces? what lies beneath all that fire..... burning with the desire to seek excitement but only for a moment..... afraid to let go instead let them suffer in a game of lust and love... battling one another for love but only 1 person deserves the spot..... who shall win this game? tainted emotions dipped in a sweet kiss of passion. Lust outrageous courage to take on love....very sneaky i must say. you've fooled me once oh lusty one but only true love can win my heart.

Life is but A DREAM

I say life is but a DREAM because we're all sleep. we're all dead. we don't live until we die so is it myself I'm watching from the sky. I'm walking in a shield... a shield that protects my soul. and when its my time to go I pray this dream that I'm living in doesn't become my reality. This dream is hell, full of hate, crime and farewells. love and lust.... money hungry people with fake grins. I won't began living until I wake up from this nightmare a harsh dream of what can happen if we don't live by HIM. I'm just praying that my soul doesn't drift away. I rather not wake until I have a full understanding of what life COULD be like if I wasn't right.... with HIM...... This life is a struggle.... We're faced with rejection, heartache, failure and change. We lie, steal and cheat our way until there is no other way. until we turn to HIM. HIM will show us a way but before finding your way you must go through this struggle before he wakes you from your dream. Life is but a dream everyday I watch myself go through the same routine. I won't escalate until I do the right things. So everyday I will live in my dream until I am awake and can began living my life clean..........by HIM

Love, Lust and Life

Life is so amazing. I've managed to explore and have the greatest experience of my life. I've met 1 individual who has changed my life in the matter of weeks. Isn't it crazy how someone can enter your life and so quickly be gone! This individual I'm talking about touched my soul. My mind was blown away by the many things they would say, giving me a challenge everyday. I was at risk with myself, fighting to break free and live. Who is this individual though? They came so quick and left even faster..... It cant be love. How can love be so kind and so gentle then turn and be so cold? This individual was daring, a thrill seeker, bold and brilliant everything I wanted to be! But love nahhh this couldn't be love. lust maybe, maybe a lust for a life I hadn't had a lust for life until I found love, love found me unexpectedly and they say life is unexpected and with love being apart of life had it found me? Or maybe it's the devil creeping up slowly behind me.... a lust full of passion. An individual so passionate that they came along for that second and introduced me to life, life involves sin and sin is a part of life maybe my imaginary mind wouldn't let me believe in such a life where you can live in thrill and explore passionate lust. Love is so complicated will we ever figure it out. Love and lust is often confused....I just hope one day I figure it out......
sincerely yours
Ashley

Running Thoughts

Do we live or do we act? The things we do in our daily lives are we actually ourselves or are we acting to be someone else that society will accept? Who are you inside? I think I'm actually trapped inside my body and their is someone deep down inside me desperately dying to be released. Is it Ashley SMILEALOT Tarver people see? I don't even know exactly who I am, do you? The world we live in is so full of actors! people living a routine life...... what about those who live life in the fast lane? No worries, no doubts just living everyday unexpectedly. Isn't that how life suppose to be? We're not suppose to know what to expect.... yeah we can work our ass off to get somewhere in life but, life dishes curve balls and you don't know when they're coming or how hard they may be. We do the things we do everyday because it's what we know to do, it's what we are taught to do and who we are taught to be. Why not step outside the box and be different, be daring and explore! Who is anyone to judge you? That's what's wrong with us today we are so worried about being judged that we are too afraid to live life outside of our comfort zone. Here is you challenge for tomorrow: Do something out of the norm that you wouldn't do in your regular scheduled life. Be daring and surprise those around you.
Run with me on this. Don't be afraid of yourself!
Sincerely yours,
Ashley